


In Space, No One Can Hear You Nut

by sailorcreampuff



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 02:36:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7783498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorcreampuff/pseuds/sailorcreampuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pidge is sick of all these Keith and Lance shenanigans so they lock them inside that one red lion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Space, No One Can Hear You Nut

**Author's Note:**

> I have only seen one episode of Voltron and this is my first fic sooo I hope it's good!

Pidge was so done right now. They couldn’t even. Keith and Lance had been arguing all day, and it was making the lion mechas cover their ears, overwhelmed. Pidge really felt for them, having had a way with animals ever since they were a wee child. So something had to change. They decided to go to their friends to form a plan.

Hunk just snorted. “Yeah, earlier I heard them arguing over whether it was okay to put ketchup on scrambled eggs! Me, I don’t care. I just love eating.” He shoved an ear of corn into his mouth.

Shiro and Pidge shook their heads. “Oh, Hunk!” They said in amusement.

The black and white haired man with the scar on his face and pretty eyes spoke. “It’s pretty annoying. I agree that we should take action.”

“Maybe we could pull a prank?” Pidge suggested.

“That shounsh dangeroush!” Hunk said, with a mouthful of corn.

Just then, Finn the Human- I mean Lance- walked in. “’Sup bros?”

Everyone stared at him, making it pretty obvious that they were just talking about him.

“Uh… what is it?”

“We’ve got a mission for you.” Shiro told him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You and KEITH need to go check the inside of one of the lion mechas to make sure it’s working properly and all that.”

“Yup!” Said Pidge. “He’s totes not lying!”

Lance rubbed his chin in contemplation. After running his hands through his dark chocolate hair, he agreed. “Sure dude.”

“Better hurry up an’ go find him!” Hunk said, smiling.

“Mathematical!” Lance ran off and looked through the whole entire base, but Keith was nowhere to be found. He slumped against a wall.

“Whew!” He was out of breath. “I wonder where that dumbass pretty boy got off to.”  
“I’m right here.”

“AHH!” Lance jumped to his feet, shaking in his boots. His arms were outstretched and his hands clenched into fists, a natural reflex gained from all those kung fu lessons. “I didn’t see you there, bro! Don’t scare me like that. Actually, I wasn’t even scared though.” He felt stupid. He was.

Keith sighed. “Were you looking for me? I was in the shower.”

“Oh, uh, yeah.” His face turned red just thinking about Keith in the shower. He probably had a pretty athletic build. Before he knew it, Keith looked really concerned.

“You’re having a nosebleed! What happened?”

“It’s nothing. I’m not sure, really.” But he knew why, and it was because he was thinking about that ass. He swallowed and tried not to make eye contact. “Anyways, we have a mission to do, yo.”

“Oh, okay. What do w-”

“Follow me and I’ll explain on the way.”

He interrupted Keith without meaning to. He was such a fool. He had to stop being so darn BOY CRAZY or his nosebleed would only get worse! They started walking together and Lance had to fight this insane urge to hold Keith’s hand. This was gonna be a long mission.

“We just have to do maintenance checks in all the lions to make sure they’re still doing cool. We can’t have one of them breaking down on us or anything, or how would we battle?”

“That makes sense. Well, let’s start with mine, I guess.”

He walked up to his red lion mech and petted its nose until it started purring.

“Okay, I think we can head inside now!” Keith said. His black hair was always so shiny, even in the low lighting. The dimly lit atmosphere inside the mech almost made Keith want to make out with Lance, but only almost. He rolled his eyes at his own thoughts. Lance was just a weak-ass noob. He probably couldn’t even no-scope some aliens! But he couldn’t shake the guy’s beautiful eyes from his mind.

“SO! Let’s go ahead and see what’s under the hood here, babe! We’ll have a little look-see, really get a good glance with these peepers of mine, scope out the motherboard, you know what I’m saying? We’re ‘bout to DO some MAITENANCE!”

Just then they heard the door lock behind them. They glanced at each other. Lance totally freaked out and started banging on the door, which was also the lion’s mouth.

“HEY! WE’RE IN HERE, MY GUYS! NOT COOL, BROS!”

Pidge’s snarky voice sounded from the other side.

“Not until you two KISS AND MAKE UP, LOSERS! I’m gonna go play video games.”

Lance’s eyes brimmed with tears. “I’m never gonna get outta here… shit, man…”

“Well…” Keith’s voice suddenly took a turn for the seductive. “I guess we’ll… just have to do what they want… oh no… how sad…”

“I think I’m catching your drift.” He said in a sexy way. “I think I’m picking up what your putting down. I know what you’re sayin’.”

So, yeah! Basically, they started kissing. And they were both super into it because of all that pent-up sexual tension. They forgot all about how that poor red lion robot must have felt. They took off each other’s shirts and all of Lance’s dreams came true. He had big heart eyes whenever he looked at Keith. “Let’s do some sex, bro!”

Keith smirked. “Sounds like a good idea, I love a challenge.”

They were back to their old ways. “Oh yeah? I bet I’m better at having sex than YOU!” He yelled. 

“REALLY? THEN WHY DON’T YOU PROVE IT, BIG BOY.”

“WHY DON’T YOU JUST PUT YOUR HOLE-FILLER IN THE HOLE THEN YOU USELESS SEAFOAM SHELL OF A SHADOW!!!”

So he did! Lance was so happy. And Keith was pleasantly surprised to find that Lance had a massive dong.

“Haha, I guess you found Lance Jr., haha.”

“Yeah he’s nice. You have a pretty average-sized weiner I guess.”

“Wait. What!?!?!”

“I said your schlong is about the same size as all the other dickaroos out there. What about it?”

“I thought it was, like, ginormous…” Lance was so hurt he thought that he might cry.

“It’s okay boo, I was just kidding!” Keith said, even though he wasn’t kidding. “Your meat stick is so big! Huge, even!”

“Really?”

“Really really.”

THE END.


End file.
